Closure (English Version)

We all need it sometimes. But what is it, really? Is it some sort of freedom that arises once we let go of all expectations? Is it a way of saying goodbye to what wasn't really meant for us? Is it interiorizing the truth, at last? Is it forgetting, or forgiving, or even changing our own genuine perspective about certain things in order to fit into an already-established mold? Is it like putting on some glasses to see clearer and stop perceiving the blurred reality that we once used to consider the reason of our whole existence? Is it something that simply happens by itself, or should we make it happen?

And what about the unexpected? All those losses that were not foreseen or merely suspected. All those changes that took you by surprise and left you unsure of anything and everything. All that pain and fear and desperation that invades you every time you realize that it’s humanly impossible to turn back time and do things differently.

How can you find closure of the past in the present? How can you have hope for a brighter future if your present is stuck in the past? Where do you find the strength and bravery to rewrite your own story in a way that is worthy of being told: to others and, most especially, to yourself? Why is it that there’s not one day that goes by when I feel unattached to those dreadful memories that once used to be the main reason of my happiness? How can I put into simple words how I feel when I am not even capable of understanding it at all?

All of these overwhelming emotions colliding with each other inside of me, tossing and turning as if it was the end of the world. I see only one way out of all that struggle. A drop of hope that falls from the snowy sky as I stop for a moment and look outside my window to notice that the world keeps on moving with or without me. A reminder that I am the only one able to make this heartbreak stop aching this much. A light at the end of the tunnel of unthinkable thoughts I can’t help but get lost in. A wake up call to stop reminiscing and mourning what is no longer part of my present and start creating the life I always dreamed of living. A sneak peek of all the adventures and experiences that are yet to come if I just allow them to. A sense of purpose, of being, and of belonging to something greater that myself. A notice from high above to become more grounded, wholesome and courageous enough to accept all the love that I truly deserve. The kind of love that never fades.

An impulse to break free, at last, from the shadows of the “could’ve been’s” and simply be whatever the heck I want to be.

That is, in fact, closure. Accepting what is in front of us with no desire to change it. Becoming aware of what we have and what it is that we deserve. Accepting the challenge brought by the inconclusive and the unexpected and the simple “facts”.

Moving onwards, no matter what.

Telling yourself the story you always begged others to tell you.

Holding yourself tight, in the midst of doubts, and acknowledging your worth.

Starting all over again from the place you are now. Not from scratch. Because you have come so far after going through all of that.

Coloring that white and abandoned canvas, that might get confused with snow, with the warmest smile you could possibly make. Decorating it with grateful tears. Finishing it with a dedication to your present self.

Signing it with love.

Keeping it within you, forever.

Hoping that sunlight, won’t melt it away.